Johnny English Reborn (*)
Directed by: Oliver Parker
Starring: Rowan Atkinson, Gillian Anderson, Daniel Kaluuya, , Rosamund
Pike, Dominic West, Tim McInnerny, Richard Schiff, Mark Ivanir
Seen: October 16th 2011
* Out of ****
Every person connected to Johnny English Reborn, in front of the
cameras and behind, must’ve been excessively desperate for the paycheque. The
actors must undoubtedly have been told that: “It’ll come together in the
editing” when they asked questions like: “Really? This goes for accepted/funny/engaging
dialogue?” (In my mind I’m hoping they asked, but the sad truth is that they
quite possibly didn’t, and simply accepted what they were to say/act out as
good enough…).
Five years after a big screw-up in Mozambique (queue Johnny English eye
twitch and actual monkey jungle music every time the country’s name is uttered,
I kid you not), MI7 needs Johnny (Atkinson) back because an asset in the field,
Fisher (Schiff), will talk only to him (???). He’s called in from a monk temple
where he was hiding for 5 years to the now much more business oriented MI7 (Toshiba
British Intelligence, “Spying for You” as a tagline) run by Pegasus (Anderson),
who has spent the last five years ridding the agency of English’s legacy. Kate
(Pike), a behavioural psychologist, is assigned to the case, and while professional,
she also admires Johnny’s cavalier attitude.
English’s ineptitude takes off at the speed of light, and not even his
relatively competent junior partner Agent Tucker (Kaluuya) can talk sense into
his thick-as-elephant-hide skull, at various points during the movie. He screws
up the first mission of meeting with Fisher, the latter ending up dead as Johnny
loses what he was supposed to collect from him too. In spurned but still oddly
included mode, Johnny goes forth to fix what he has messed up, and through
incredible coincidence and luck he manages to save the day – what else would
this movie be good for?
Reborn is a terrible movie, I had trouble staying engaged, and for something
labelled comedy, I never laughed and only smirked maybe two times; since every
single joke is not only old, but clichéd and run-down from years and years of
everyday use everywhere. There’s even an old Chinese “cleaner” lady, never
quite explained, who deals in lethal “extensions” to her vacuum cleaner; a
tired line milked for more than it could possibly be worth, for the entire
movie. Maybe I’m too old for the movie, as yes, I’m not 10 years old anymore,
but if Pixar can manage to keep things fresh and entertaining for both kids and
adults, why can’t one of the best comedic actors of the last 30 years produce something
at least resembling comedy? Reborn should have never seen the light of day as
it is a waste of time, and I was cringing on behalf of the actors for the
entire run of the movie, they’re all supposed to be better than this.
Reborn is awful, and I was baffled at hearing some audience members laugh,
as these are the jokes and plotlines I grew up with (even thinking them unfunny
back then), only diluted and rehashed into a vague shadow of what could have
been. Any movie to still come this year will be hard pressed to knock Reborn of
its perch as my worst movie of 2011…
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